Laurence Johns
From Me to We: The Gift Economy at the Heart of ...
From Me to We: The Gift Economy at the Heart of The ManKind Project
Tony Wilkinson
June is Pride month

Betrayal and Redemption

Betrayal and Redemption

Unplanned, unwanted, rejected at birth, and then subjected to everything that follows from that – humiliated, shamed for my very existence, oppressed physically, emotionally, spiritually…. A perfect recipe for the squashing of human potential. Of my potential.Was it an accident that I found MKP when I was at my lowest point? No, I guess not, for the universe does indeed move in mysterious ways. And what did MKP provide for me? A counterpoint to everything I’d experienced before, for sure. Support, from men – imagine that! To say that MKP has been a major influence in my life doesn’t even begin to cover what it has done for me.

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My Journey With MKP As A Gay Man

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My Journey With MKP As A Gay Man

The weekend was powerful for me. I was challenged, frightened and initially resistant. Like the other participants, it required me to summon a lot of courage. Was I the only gay man amongst 32 straight men? Although I was “out”, was it safe to disclose my sexuality to a room full of male strangers? Being a gay man I had been selective about whom I disclosed this to. However I have found MKP to be one of the safer organisations in which to be able to drop my guard about my sexuality. While MKP draws men from all sections of the community, it is often those who are open to learning and growth who join. MKP also encourages men to embrace diversity and acceptance and men are encouraged to challenge themselves around their prejudices.

The Blessing

The Blessing

Growing up, what did you want your father to say to you? What words did you crave from him? What words from him were you dying, literally dying, to hear? What I wanted my father to say to me was pretty simple. Son, I'm proud of you. That's it, that's what I wanted more than anything. And he could have said it anytime. This is what I wanted my father to say to me while I was growing up, and I wanted him to hug me when he said it. This is The Blessing. I wanted my father to give me The Blessing.I suspect, like me, you craved his Blessing, would damn near have died for his Blessing – although you might have had to pretend it didn't mean shit to you.

A Weekend In My Life

A Weekend In My Life

It was the most profound weekend of my life so far. I hope writing about it will reinforce the changes it has led to and help strengthen the resolve of other brothers to pursue and maintain changes they wish for in their lives. I went on the weekend hoping to practise and get better at socialising with other men. I came back being better able to be myself in front of other men, in front of myself, in front to colleagues, in front of friends and in front of strangers.

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The Natural Flow Of Life Restored

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…..And there, beside the tie, is a little reminder of my Adventure weekend - a necklace, of sorts! I stare at it for a few seconds and then pick it up. It goes around my neck, and a couple of days later I have a job offer. What exactly was the connection of my reminder is thing though? Why was I so drawn to it, and what did I draw from it? A few months later I think I can answer that question. To me, it links me back to the place where I felt the strength of other men behind me and where there were times when I felt strong within myself. So now, when I start to feel angry or frustrated, both of which still happen, I have somewhere else to go for strength.

MKP & Mission - Finding My Purpose

One of these dreams is having the clearly defined mission I was looking for. There are some men around with these kinds of mission; they are beautiful and I do admire them, but I am not that kind of man and only if I life my truth can I give my gift to the world. To do this I must accept that my mission right now is not clear or static. I must pay attention to the every changing plethora of micro-adjustments that allow my core urges to express themselves, and I must follow them until I know myself inside out.

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My Adventure - One Of Many

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Before I began, I looked each person in eyes and held their gaze for a moment to help calm me down a little. I spoke of my anger, my rage. My shame. I felt shame about not being able to be the dad I wanted to be, shame about letting my children down, shame about letting my partner down and screwing another relationship up.The men worked their magic. The processes held me. My anger was discharged. My shame was extracted. And as I fell into that emptiness, I found support. As I fell, men held me, picked me up, filling me with love for myself and for my fellow men. In that moment I realised why was there: To Wake Up!

The Ride Of My Life

Two days after leaving Dartmoor, where I’d done The ManKind Project’s PIT training, I found myself on my surfboard, waiting for the next set of waves to swell. Maybe 20 feet away, swiftly with complete grace, two dolphins sprang from the water right before my eyes. For that brief moment we occupied the same space. In the same way, my PIT journey was like those jumping dolphins between the spaces of ride-able waves in my life. I’ve heard stories of surfers and dolphins riding the same waves together. I’ll let you imagine that, and my intended future journey with MKP.

The ManKind Project and Diversity

On my Adventure weekend, the ManKind Project had accepted me and my differences. The ManKind Project "walked the talk" for me. It was incredibly healing. I know that many men come to the weekend feeling different or outside the mainstream. For me, The ManKind Project (MKP) does a good job at accepting and integrating all men, but as we say, "the journey continues", and there is more to do. For me diversity work is about stretching my capacity to understand and tolerate difference and in this regard it helps me in my day-to-day relationships. I want to learn more about sitting with the discomfort of difference and not shutting down when I experience it.

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"Exciting, Risky, Unknown, Daring!"

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As the ManKind Project's weekend Adventure unfolded, I came to see how each and every one of us goes through something that causes suffering. And this was an enormous relief to me - to discover that I was not alone. And I also came to see that men who I had always thought of as being better and more capable than me were wounded in deep ways too, that in fact we had much in common, that they also had their own wounds holding them back.

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